The Wheels on the Bus

Equality in parenting is the flagship of men's liberation. Just as women are fighting for equality in the workplace, men are fighting for equality in the home. Sometimes, we deny domestic equality to ourselves, as when we make the conscious decision to watch sports instead of doing domestic labor. Some of it is not voluntary. Like yesterday, when I was riding on the bus with several people, and all of them were enamored with the 7-month-old in my lap. Luca was fascinated with all of the attention, taking it all in by staring at each of his fans in the eye, which is a gender difference in and of itself. Boys who have been in daycare do not make as much eye contact as the girls in the crib next door, though boys who have been cared for by family members make as much eye contact as girls who are also cared for in the home.

When Luca turned his engrossing stare to me, I started to sing "The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round." Immediately, all of the people on the bus looked away from me uncomfortably. While I have seen strangers join in preschool songs for babies when mothers sing to them, I have noticed that I can bring an entire room to its knees by singing the controversial "Old MacDonald," or a treasonous daddy/baby rendition of Sandra Boynton's "Philadelphia Chicken." This subtle ostracism will continue, just as the Greek ostracism did historically, for about ten years until Luca is entering an age when it is acceptable for men to forge relationships with their children. Why are we afraid of men showing affection to their children? Do we believe that all men are lurking pedophiles? Are we threatened by improper masculinity? Are we just unused to the concept, like elementary schooler's are unused to romantic kissing, and even many adults are unused to same-sex kissing? Whatever the cause for this discomfort, it is real and it is limiting equality movements in gender, race, and class.