Another Product of Masculinization: Less Sex

This months Parents magazine included a story about how new parents have less sex, often having no sexual interest at all.

First of all, the article is written entirely from the perspective of new moms. It seems safe to say that if there is a problem with a couple's sexual health after the birth of a child, that problem affects both parents, and a magazine with the title "Parents" should address the challenges of both moms and dads.

But the article also managed to be sexist against women by implying that all of the problems with a healthy sex life were because moms just weren't interested in sex anymore. It put all of the onus on women to find their libido and get back into the sack. The article quoted many women and studies that said, "67 percent of wives report a major drop in happiness and a significant increase in hostility in the first three years after having a baby" and "my husband was not there for me" and "libido goes hand-in-hand with a helpful husband" and "when a partner hints at sex, it often feels like yet another demand on her." Yet, the reasons behind this lack of libido are said to be evolutionary. Every woman in the article seems to imply that if their husband would help them out more, they would feel like having sex more, but then they conclude, not that husbands should learn how to better engage with their children, but esentially "that's just how it is." Why wouldn't they look more closely at the role that men are playing in this problem? Because they don't want to face the facts...

Women cannot be fully liberated until both genders are liberated.

These men spent their entire lives living in ignorance about how to raise an infant. The stuff of infant childcare remained mystery to the partners of these women right through pregnancy. Even at the baby shower, when all of the tools for raising a child are discussed, secrets are shared, stories are swapped, and a group of people set about preparing themselves for the task ahead, many times men are not welcome. Why is that? Is it not enough that we keep boys out of practicing for their role of fatherhood by not letting them play with baby dolls, by not writing them into the babysitters' club, by sending them outside when it is time to feed baby or give her a bath? Do we also have to find it creepy that men are preschool teachers, or kiss their babies in public, or even go to the party to celebrate and receive gifts on behalf of their child?

And then women are surprised and depressed that their partners are unable to jump right in and help during the early years of their children's lives. I want to suggest a cure to these sexual problems. Baby college. Just like in the Harlem Children's Zone, send your partner to baby college (and maybe you should join him) so that when it comes time for him to leap in and help, he can do so with eyes open, instead of being scared.

To read more about what fear does to create masculanized men, please read the first 5 submissions of this blog.