Meninists?

A blog called Meninist envisions a supportive role of men in feminism, but it neglects the basic facts about masculanization. It is not enough that men simply sit on the side lines like cheerleaders for women to catch up to men. Men must recognize how they too are oppressed and fight back.

Women will not attain equality until men too are liberated. Why?

1. Some schools of feminism have focused on equalizing pay and working conditions by getting women out of the home and into the work place.
2. At the same time, they have not made any effort to get men out of the workplace and into the home. If you don't believe me, see my last blog where I talk about how ill equipped men are to raise infants.
3. But when we say that women make too little, instead of saying that maybe men work too much (and therefore make too much), we are saying that domestic labor is not meaningful work because it is not "paid" work.
4. We degrade women by saying that the traditional realm of women is not as important as getting paid. We also oppress men by telling them that domestic labor was exactly what they thought it always was; thankless.

What we should be doing is not supporting women, but coming to the awareness that men and women should support each other in our scramble for equality and progress. After all, if we legitimately believe that the world will improve with more women in positions of so-called "power," should it not be equally true that the world would be better off with more men in positions of care-givers? Until we tell ourselves that power and money are not truly important, but a sideshow keeping us from equality, we will never actually recognize the important things in life.

Another Product of Masculinization: Less Sex

This months Parents magazine included a story about how new parents have less sex, often having no sexual interest at all.

First of all, the article is written entirely from the perspective of new moms. It seems safe to say that if there is a problem with a couple's sexual health after the birth of a child, that problem affects both parents, and a magazine with the title "Parents" should address the challenges of both moms and dads.

But the article also managed to be sexist against women by implying that all of the problems with a healthy sex life were because moms just weren't interested in sex anymore. It put all of the onus on women to find their libido and get back into the sack. The article quoted many women and studies that said, "67 percent of wives report a major drop in happiness and a significant increase in hostility in the first three years after having a baby" and "my husband was not there for me" and "libido goes hand-in-hand with a helpful husband" and "when a partner hints at sex, it often feels like yet another demand on her." Yet, the reasons behind this lack of libido are said to be evolutionary. Every woman in the article seems to imply that if their husband would help them out more, they would feel like having sex more, but then they conclude, not that husbands should learn how to better engage with their children, but esentially "that's just how it is." Why wouldn't they look more closely at the role that men are playing in this problem? Because they don't want to face the facts...

Women cannot be fully liberated until both genders are liberated.

These men spent their entire lives living in ignorance about how to raise an infant. The stuff of infant childcare remained mystery to the partners of these women right through pregnancy. Even at the baby shower, when all of the tools for raising a child are discussed, secrets are shared, stories are swapped, and a group of people set about preparing themselves for the task ahead, many times men are not welcome. Why is that? Is it not enough that we keep boys out of practicing for their role of fatherhood by not letting them play with baby dolls, by not writing them into the babysitters' club, by sending them outside when it is time to feed baby or give her a bath? Do we also have to find it creepy that men are preschool teachers, or kiss their babies in public, or even go to the party to celebrate and receive gifts on behalf of their child?

And then women are surprised and depressed that their partners are unable to jump right in and help during the early years of their children's lives. I want to suggest a cure to these sexual problems. Baby college. Just like in the Harlem Children's Zone, send your partner to baby college (and maybe you should join him) so that when it comes time for him to leap in and help, he can do so with eyes open, instead of being scared.

To read more about what fear does to create masculanized men, please read the first 5 submissions of this blog.

The Wheels on the Bus

Equality in parenting is the flagship of men's liberation. Just as women are fighting for equality in the workplace, men are fighting for equality in the home. Sometimes, we deny domestic equality to ourselves, as when we make the conscious decision to watch sports instead of doing domestic labor. Some of it is not voluntary. Like yesterday, when I was riding on the bus with several people, and all of them were enamored with the 7-month-old in my lap. Luca was fascinated with all of the attention, taking it all in by staring at each of his fans in the eye, which is a gender difference in and of itself. Boys who have been in daycare do not make as much eye contact as the girls in the crib next door, though boys who have been cared for by family members make as much eye contact as girls who are also cared for in the home.

When Luca turned his engrossing stare to me, I started to sing "The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round." Immediately, all of the people on the bus looked away from me uncomfortably. While I have seen strangers join in preschool songs for babies when mothers sing to them, I have noticed that I can bring an entire room to its knees by singing the controversial "Old MacDonald," or a treasonous daddy/baby rendition of Sandra Boynton's "Philadelphia Chicken." This subtle ostracism will continue, just as the Greek ostracism did historically, for about ten years until Luca is entering an age when it is acceptable for men to forge relationships with their children. Why are we afraid of men showing affection to their children? Do we believe that all men are lurking pedophiles? Are we threatened by improper masculinity? Are we just unused to the concept, like elementary schooler's are unused to romantic kissing, and even many adults are unused to same-sex kissing? Whatever the cause for this discomfort, it is real and it is limiting equality movements in gender, race, and class.